why i am drinking an alcoholic beverage at 0430. . .again

really, I don't ordinarily make a habit of drinking when I get off work. . .there's something that doesn't seem quite right about having a beer half an hour before a lot of normal people wake up for the day. but sometimes, there just isn't enough mentholatum in the world to shove up your nose to keep the bad smells out. I think we went through our entire backstock of Fleet enemas tonight. It's been a dookie kind of week.

Question: If you are a stupid person, and you are running from the po-po because you a) wrecked a car, b)were driving while intoxicated, c) have warrants out, or d) took something that wasn't yours, and they chase you (because they always do) and they happen to let the K9 out of the car (which they always will), why is it that you must always end up in a thicket of blackberries?

a word to the wise- never run from the cops. Especially the ones with cold, wet noses. Their bite is worse than their bark. And all those scratches from blackberry thorns? Insult to injury. And it's going to hurt like hell when i clean them out.

p.s. when you come in to the ER at 0300 with really non-specific 10 out of 10 pain that magically migrates from lumbar region to sacrum to abdomen, with strangely point tender spots in random places, and you are weeping and wailing while the person on bed 2 is being told that they have a mass on their brain and the person on bed 9 has a heart rate of 179, and the doctor is kind enough to give you a prepack of Ativan to help you sleep, and you throw it at the 30 year veteran charge nurse and tell her that Ativan just doesn't work for you, and she tells you to get out before she calls security, don't be surprised when she calls security and they escort you to the lobby to await a taxi the unit secretary was kind enough to call for you. And when you decide to yell and scream at the admit secretary, and lunge across the desk and grab her arm, don't be surprised when she calls the police with the little button located under her desk. And really, really don't be surprised when they show up code 3, tasers at the ready. And if you happen to look up and see firefighter girl and 5 meth central firefighter/medics watching and ready to fight over who gets to pull out the taser prongs, well, understand that it's nothing personal. Really.